Essex Terror! - An Internet Directory Of Horrors

ESSEX TERROR An Internet Directory Of Horrors

The Ghosts of Essex

Essex is an ancient place, one of the few places in Britain not scoured clean by the glaciers of the last ice age. Indeed, so old is it that there are more ghosts here than in another county in Britain (except for Kent, which even then, as it is larger, actually has a lower ghosts per field and home rating). According to research, it is likely that everybody in Essex has seen a ghost. A frightening thought indeed!

The Creatures From The Mudstrewn Mire

Although despicable to the eyes of men, it was said that women were filled with such abject pity at the sight of them that they would try to raise them as their own children. Tales abound of shamed women caught in the woods licking tenderly at these lumps of clay, attempting to afford them a shape close enough to that of a child that they could safely bring it into town. This led eventually to the ritual of the childhood bath, a once yearly event where everyone in the town would be cleaned to ensure that no creatures were allowed to masquerade as men. A tradition which continues to this very day.

These creatures are seen inside the county only rarely these days, although it is difficult to say whether this is because of the decline of the Essex marshland over the last century or so, leaving only small pockets of mud from which they could possibly form, or due to the successful removal of them from the homes of our women, so that none reach maturity any more, ensuring these horrors can no longer breed anymore.

The Bloody Duck Pond

In the town of Danbury, at the top of the highest hill in Essex, there is, on the village green, a duck pond. To the casual observer, this would not seem unusual. Indeed, it would appear to be almost quintessentially usual, except for one fact - it should be impossible for a pond to form at the top of a hill. And yet here, the forces of gravity and sanity have seemingly been disregarded.

Its position is not the only unsettling fact about this pond, or this hill. The vast majority of Essex is built upon clay, a pliable earthform which seeps slowly flat over time, thus explaining the absence of hills in the region, especially when compared with Kent, a county built literally on hills of bone.

Danbury, however, is not a hill of clay (which would be impossible according to both science and sense), but blood. A vast tower of clotted blood, ancient, and immense, for it was here for centuries that all of Essex would bring its unwanted blood. Butchers were not allowed to pour their waste into the rivers for fear of attracted beasts from far out to sea, and it could not be poured into the farmers’ earth, for who knew (and indeed, who knows) what abominations that would bring forth come spring. So a barren and unwanted area was found, and weekly representatives from each town would be tasked with trekking there and disposing of the county’s gore.

Over time, the bloody hill grew far larger than anyone could bear, and the bloodmen and their ghastly cargo were slowly phased out, the blood instead being used to feed prisoners and other undesirables on the cheap. And over more time, the origins of this hill were forgotten so completely that a town was built upon its back.

But what of the duck pond?, you may ask. Well, anyone who has ever spent time with vast clots of blood will know that one of its most astounding attributes is the way it can work as a sponge, absorbing water and somehow pulsing it upwards through its layers of husk (for anyone who wishes to verify this for themselves, try putting a bloodened sausage upright in a puddle, and watch as it pulls the water from the ground and eventually leaks it from the top, as if it secretly wishes to be a fountain). It is in this way that the pond was both formed and sustained.

The Essex Ghosts

It is a common misconception that Essex is a dull and grey place. This is because quite often when people think of Essex they are actually thinking of East London, which is a different a place, and different in many ways. Essex itself is much more diverse than the East London confusion scenario would usually allow someone to believe, and this is also reflected in our ghosts.

A typical London ghost is coarse, incoherent, and usually bereft of wit or style. Essex ghosts, however, such as the Ghost of Beeleigh Abbey (pictured below), are often seen to dance, and on some occasions even joke (unfortunately so far no joking ghosts have been captured on film, although it is estimated that this event should be captured soon, if current trends continue).

Rubbish Bags Are Our Greatest Evil

If any system could ever be devised that is more inhuman and irresponsible than our current system of rubbish disposal I would be terrified to hear of it. Currently, we place our rubbish in easily opened bags, lining our streets with it, leaving them overnight for the vast majority of people seem to be too lazy to do it in the morning, which is the correct time to be doing it. These bags, left under the moon’s glare, and often nourished by rain, are then often not collected for between 12 and 18 hours, allowing them ample time to do what I call FSE: Ferment, Split (open), and Emit (their foulness into the air, or across the pavements of our land).

This is something I feel very strongly about, and although it is not in keeping with the tone nor subject matter of the rest of this website I believe it is something that must be talked about and not ignored. They remind me of plastic eggs, with yolks of plastic and potato peeling formed white, and I cannot bear to contemplate what one day will hatch.

Readers Letters

Although we have not yet had any letters, we hope to hear from you all in the future.